Goddamit I miss her.

Wake me up when September ends.

Insanity

Things have been so crazy lately. I mean i don't really mind being so busy, I'm just really afraid my grades are hurting because of it. With rifle going fully now, the free time will be close to nill. Jay expects us to practice for 10-12 hours a week, plus I have ultimate, and close to 20 hours of work per week. Oh yea and those class things. Can't forget about those.

So we had our first real rifle practice today. Yea I definitely tried to shoot without gear. It was pretty ugly. The new gun probably didnt help. There were moments where i felt like my stance was pretty good, but my mental game sux really bad. As soon as I start to think about a bad shot, I feel my legs start to wobble and I shake really bad. I seriously need to get my mind prepared, or I'm screwed.

I've been thinking a lot today about the difference between ultimate and rifle to me...it's pretty obvious by now. Simply put, I love ultimate. I think about it all day and dream about it at night. Just the thought of go horizontal and laying out for a disc gets my blood pumping. I love the feeling I have when I play, and I love the people. There's nothing else in the world like it. Rifle, on the other hand, has always been more of a chore. Yea, there are times when I kinda enjoy it, and I really like the people on the team. But that's about it...nothing else.

I came to this realization pretty quick, and I've been trying to figure out why things are this way. Jay loves rifle more than anything in the world. He loves the challange, the mental hurdles you have to surpass, and (at the expense of sounding cheesy), the feeling of serenity and oneness you feel when you're mentally in the game. I can relate to some of these too.

I realize what the difference is now. Rifle makes me depressed. Just being in the range brings me down. I remmember last year, when I was so miserable, wanting to be at home with jessica and not at school, not at practice, or anything. It's like I associate anything with rifle with that feeling of loneliness, and unhappiness. Ultimate, however, is the exact opposite. Everytime I play, I'm with people I love to be with, just out to have a good time. I play it with my best friends, and it makes me happier than just about anything else right now.

I really do hope I can overcome this problem with rifle. If not, I'll stop shooting, not because I want to, but because I won't be any good. A shooter is only as good as his mental state.

Ixnay on the Hombre

So I just started listening to Ixnay on the Hombre. It's definitely an awesome CD. I've gotten the last couple of Offspring CD's that've come out, but I have to admit i like this sound a lot more. The sound varies a lot more...there's the regular heavy stuff, but there's a bunch of lighter and more carefree stuff too. It's a really good balance.

Hmm what's happened since I've last updated? I don't really think I can even remmember it all. A few highlights...

Late night drives with a good friend...always picks ya up when you're feeling down.

We beat ISU in ultimate again...this time 10-1. On that note, I've really begun to enjoy ultimate up here more and more. When I first got up here, I wasnt sure if I was gonna like it that much. I mean the guys just seeemed...different that the ones back home. But now that I've begun to get to know them better and become more comfortable around them, I've definitely been enjoying it more. I was really put off at first by a couple of guys who didn't seem very welcoming to some of us new guys. But now that I think about it I remmember there was this one guy back home that I really hated when i started playing, too. The more he got to know me and see how dedicated I was, though, he warmed up to me and there's a lot of repect between us now. I think it's getting to be the same here, too.

Learned some new ultimate heckles from Maxwell. Hah good stuff.

Friday night was movie night...I missed a lot of the second movie though, I def. need to watch it again.

PIKE DAY!! Man it was a blast. Several ultimate games + 150 ft. waterslide = one hell of a day + one really sore body.

Going to bed at 8:30 last night and waking up at 11:30 this morning...no joke.

Grading conapps/running errands/watching football/tossing with anderson/eating first wok today.

Well things are definitely looking up right now. It's been a very good weekend, and I'm very happy right now...I like that feeling.

I'm really beginning to like this blog thing. It's a really good way for me to unwind at the end of a long day. I just got done working on Emag for several hours. I hate to say it, but it was a blast. Me Hackfeld Youst George and shane all got together to try and figure it out. We spent most of the night just chilling in Hawks room listening to music and working it out little by little. I'm so used to being in classes w/o any of my friends, I'd forgotten how much quicker and easier hw goes by when you're doing it in groups.

Well I woke up sick as hell this morning. Nasty cold, plus my ear was messed up from swimming yesterday. I definitely skipped circuits today...I really dont (but probably should) feel guilty about it. Oh well, I had a hell of a nap this afternoon, didn't go to ultimate though, cuz I felt so bad.

I really feel like I'm beginning to settle into the house here these past few days. The other day was the first time I can remmember that I thought of jessica and it actually made me happy. I thought about this one time when she was getting ready to leave for a mission trip and me and her family were there saying goodbye. I remmember she gave me a big kiss despite the fact taht her family was there (which she always felt weird about)...I guess that feeling of happiness just stuck with me or something. I really don't know whether it's a good thing that thinking of that makes me happy. I mean maybe it means that I'm starting to move on and accept what is, and just loving the good times for what they were, even though they'll never be back. But then again, maybe it just means I'm not over her yet and still want to be with her. I really can't say. I still feel pretty lonely sometimes, but it seems like I'm getting closer to a lot of guys out here at the house, especially brent, tomsu and anderson. That's a really good feeling.

Oh well I can't really say what's going to happen to me this next year, but I really do hope I can make the most out of it...I guess it's time for bed now, class tomorrow. Good luck guys.

Back to School

Wow the weekend's already over, hard to believe. I guess it was pretty fun on the whole, I can't remmember a lot of stuff now, let's see...friday classes dragged on forever cuz I was so excited about the scrimmage. After the longest circuites class known to man we met and headed out to ISU. I have to admit I was kinda pissed that all these guys showed up who had never come to practice. Part of me is glad to see some interest from new people, but if they don't love the game enough to come to practice they probably shouldn't be playing to be honest. It's not a punishment type thing or anything like that, but I just think if they don't have that passion for the sport they shouldn't be there with the people that do. Oh well that's just my opinion. We beat em pretty bad, they weren't very impressive. The guys on their team seemed pretty cool...I don't think they'll ever really give us much competition, but it'll be good experience for us. Much better than just running drills a lot. Good stuff.

Well anyway we had informals that night, then off to friday's for dinner. It was fun. Then yesterday I don't really think much happened to be honest. Geez that's terrible, I'm sure there was some stuff going on but I can't remmember any of it. Damn chem hw. Oh well.

Well today was actualy really fun. I woke up at 1, got exempt for my fine at exec, and avoided hw. Me and anderson went out and tossed for awhile. He's a good guy, a little cocky and comes off a bit strong, but a good guy nontheless. I'm just happy to have someone to throw with to be honest. He's got a lot of enthusiasm for the game too. Then I went down to the SRC where brent got me started on some swimming stuff. I have to admit it was tough, but I think if I stick with it it'll get me in pretty decent shape. Many thanks for the help and the food, man. Then tonight we had chapter, and I've been working on chem hw for a couple hours with anderson. It's a pain, but I'm done with it. Right now I'm just chilling, listening to some jack johnson and about to watch sportscenter and eat some PB&J. Life doesnt get much better.

LC Blues...

Well the reason I'm posting now is that I'm stuck here "tutoring" in the learning center and I forgot to bring any hw. I was gonna do my lab report for chem (which I just got out of) but it doesnt look like my lab parter is gonna email me the data anytime soon. Oh well. Guess I'll just have to screw around for the next hour ;)

Well hey I'm in a great mood yknow why? That's right, I'll be playing ultimate for three days in a row. It's sad to see how excited that gets me, when it was the norm a month ago. Oh well, apparently this school thing takes precedence or something? Who thinks this junk up? Well anyway I find out yesterday that our first scrimmage is against ISU on this friday down on their campus somewhere. That's awesome!

Well rush started yesterday officially. It was kinda cool to go talk to some of the freshman during dorm storming, but I didnt really feel like I did a lot of good. None of our guys from sharp ended up coming out to ritters, and it turns out that one of the guys from the ultimate team that I wanted to rush isnt interesting in joining a fraternity. Oh well I guess it happens. I definitely got forced into a leadership role during dorm storming as the other guys I was rushing with expected me to do all the talking to the freshman. I don't really mind but at the same time I dont feel like I'm really the best guy for the job. Oh well, hopefully we'll get a good rush class this year.

Well that's all I got for now, I gotta go to practice in a little while. Until then I'll watch the exciting conclusion of the Brown v Colorodo nat'l championship game on cstv...just in case you're interested, these guys are fricken ridiculous...
http://www.collegesports.com/sports/c-ultimate/cs-c-ultimate-body.html

Lata.

The weekend

I tell you what, it's been a crazy weekend. In short, friday was a blast with the guys here out at the house. Saturday, of course, was foam. It was a blast, I have to admit. I drank the perfect amount...just enough to loosen up but not enough to be drunk. Good times man. Me and Tomsu tag teamed on a couple of rose girls (big mistake)...it was nice to have a pretty atractive girl dancing with me the whole night, but she's definitely not my type. Next time I'll definitely spread my time out a little with some different girls so the next day I might actually have some numbers to call or something. Oh well lesson learned, and hey I had a good time, that's all that matters. I have to admit though, I think the thing I will remmember the most about Saturday is playing frisbee in the lawn with the guys and going to moggers for dinner. And of course, the ND victory! National Championship year, I'm calling it right now man. It's funny how's it's the little things that I remmember the most.

Well tonight was a lot of fun too. I'm becoming more and more optimistic about living in the house this year. First we watched the notebook in the back lounge (yes you read that right). I have to admit, I really didnt wanna watch the movie since it I knew it would make me think of jessica, since it was kinda "our movie". But I knew it would be good for me. It is a really good movie, and it's nice to be able to watch it with a really cool group of people like that. Then of course there was beer o'clock. Good times as always. Well I don't really have anything exciting to post about right now, plus I need to get some sleep. But thanks guys for an awesome weekend. Peace out.